Reflection... And Thursday Night
My mom believes that you can't be in a convivial mood, because it means that the next thing that will follow is a big drop of sorrow. I guess things work according to what your mind percept too. You know, like a 'self-fulfilled prophecy' state of mind. A term that I learned for my Psychology minor. As I mentioned in my last post, it's time for me to wrap things up. But it doesn't need to end in a sour note. Yes, life can't be a party all the time, then again it's how you want to perceive things whether as your life sucks or a version of a roller coaster of emotions (may it be in Disneyland or 6 Flags formations :P ) or everyday is a good day and some are awesome days. I'd rather choose the latter. As hard or bad of a day that ever happened to me, I survived them all... May it caused chip on my shoulder... Be resilient and I shall recover.
Yes, I must admit that I still need to get that breakthrough in my life. But in a sense that will keep me grounded and humble. I just pray that low self esteem won't be knocking at my door, because believe it or not, people with low esteem can be quite snobbish and self-righteous, because they want to protect themselves and don't want to be perceived as a loser. And please no false humility either. Hehehe... Psychoanalysis me talking.
And then there is this thing called love. People misused the term or have no understanding at all. Sometimes I would just get confused by people that say that they love you and yet don't show it. I'd rather just stay quiet until my heart prompted me to really say and do it. No false hope or fake expressions. With the words come actions and commitment. And there's no such thing as "I love you, but..." I'd rather not say it at all. Love is too sacred to just throw it around like a piece of advertisement leaflet. (Disclaimer: Err... this is not only applicable for BGR, K?) Or perhaps again we just speak a different language of love, just like that book by Gary Chapman. Does love come with an expectation of a reward? OK blah blah, don't mind me. I'm tired with the rules of how the world does things. The rules keep on changing now. There are too many grey areas. And we do speak different things. I feel like Disney's Mulan and sing the "Reflection" song all over again. Why can't you love me for who I am? Why do I have to fit into a certain character for you to be able to see me as worthy of your love? OK, before people start thinking where is this conversation is going, I shall end this topic here. I just feel like ranting for a while.
OK let's move on...
Thursday, August 31st
Yesterday, our CG was talking about "Trials and Temptation". Yes, I admit that right now I fell into the temptation of ranting, hehehe. I was supposedly joined Dee's group, but since Andrea's group was smaller, Chris plucked me from my comfort zone and be amongst, what he called, "Roses among the thorns". Well, yes we're facing trials everyday and hope to persevere, such in my case. What didn't kill you will just make you stronger, right? And then temptation. Before Andrea ended the Bible study that night, she gave a homework, about this person who still don't want to be a Christian just because his perception of God was one of the a tricky kind. He asked, "If God is good, why would He created the tree of knowledge of good and evil to tempt us? Knowingly that man would eventually fall into temptation." Well, I just got my version of an answer to that question. If God created us to be robots (how I wish, sometimes, that I am one, so I don't have to feel anything, hehehe) , then that darn tree wouldn't be there. Adam and Eve will never have the right to choose, and will not be fully human. God gave men free will to choose and to love Him. God was giving Adam and Eve a choice, to obey or not to obey. I think the first sin was not even the result of eating the 'apple'. But from the very beginning, men refuse to follow order and fall into temptation. That was my answer. So if any of you CG members read this, can copy this answer and turn it in, hehehe...
That Friday night we have a couple members of Hope Stuttgart joining us. And at the end of the night, as per my phototaking habit insisted on doing, we're posing for photoshoot. And for once, my dependable Casio Camera is running out of battery. AARRRGGHHH... What gives? Luckily Markus Moetz, one of the German guys visiting, brought his camera and saved the day. Or I'll be bawling, for missing such Kodak moments, hehehe... Yeah I'm addicted to pictures, sue me. Later on, I found out that my plugger was broken, hence I was charging my camera without electricity coming in. So I guess, I will have to wait until the pictures are uploaded and ready to be sent to us. *Sigh* I shall update this post when the pictures are here.
Beside the photograph mishap, the night went by quite nicely. We still have our big group, minus several people. Perhaps next time we should have attendance record and the one with perfect attendance will win prizes, hehehe. Like Chocolate. What are we? First graders? But heck, I'll take it, hehehe.
The sitting arrangements were kind of funny, though, as people were automatically divided themselves like Moses parted the Red Sea, one side ladies, one side gents. Then, our head honcho, Chris, who said didn't have any ice breaker game watsoever prepared (yeah right, hehehe), told us to took out a piece of paper, jot down own names and pass it around every 15 seconds. The idea is to say our encouragement du jour on the paper with the respective names. I thought that was quite nice. Chris then asked: who got a comment that surprise you as in, you never thought that you are that character? Hardly anybody, or nobody got that special out of character encouragement. Me on the other hand was having fun, trying to decipher hand writings. And kinda cheated by counting who's sitting where, hehehe. The most comment that I thought was a bit not me, came from someone, maybe Alvin (the note suppose to be anonymous and although I'm counting backwards, sometimes people didn't write in order, and I only recognize a few handwritings). He said that I'm a good communicator. Thank you so much for his faith, because I don't really feel that way, hehehe. But glad that someone think of me like that. Whether he just want to be nice, since he hardly knew me or really meant it, it works as an empowerment to me.
For some of us, we ended the night with supper. And the plan to go Night Safari on this coming Saturday. Chris, Junda, Christian, Grace, Jon, Markus, Peishan and I (once again, missing the photo op :( ). Jon made a phone call to Edmond, and connecting him to Markus. I hope Edmond would be happy to hear someone speaks German to him again. I managed to grasp a little bit here and there when I hear Markus talked to Edmond. Wunderbach! Hehehe... After that we said gutten nacht to each other and headed home.
Yes, I must admit that I still need to get that breakthrough in my life. But in a sense that will keep me grounded and humble. I just pray that low self esteem won't be knocking at my door, because believe it or not, people with low esteem can be quite snobbish and self-righteous, because they want to protect themselves and don't want to be perceived as a loser. And please no false humility either. Hehehe... Psychoanalysis me talking.
And then there is this thing called love. People misused the term or have no understanding at all. Sometimes I would just get confused by people that say that they love you and yet don't show it. I'd rather just stay quiet until my heart prompted me to really say and do it. No false hope or fake expressions. With the words come actions and commitment. And there's no such thing as "I love you, but..." I'd rather not say it at all. Love is too sacred to just throw it around like a piece of advertisement leaflet. (Disclaimer: Err... this is not only applicable for BGR, K?) Or perhaps again we just speak a different language of love, just like that book by Gary Chapman. Does love come with an expectation of a reward? OK blah blah, don't mind me. I'm tired with the rules of how the world does things. The rules keep on changing now. There are too many grey areas. And we do speak different things. I feel like Disney's Mulan and sing the "Reflection" song all over again. Why can't you love me for who I am? Why do I have to fit into a certain character for you to be able to see me as worthy of your love? OK, before people start thinking where is this conversation is going, I shall end this topic here. I just feel like ranting for a while.
OK let's move on...
Thursday, August 31st
Yesterday, our CG was talking about "Trials and Temptation". Yes, I admit that right now I fell into the temptation of ranting, hehehe. I was supposedly joined Dee's group, but since Andrea's group was smaller, Chris plucked me from my comfort zone and be amongst, what he called, "Roses among the thorns". Well, yes we're facing trials everyday and hope to persevere, such in my case. What didn't kill you will just make you stronger, right? And then temptation. Before Andrea ended the Bible study that night, she gave a homework, about this person who still don't want to be a Christian just because his perception of God was one of the a tricky kind. He asked, "If God is good, why would He created the tree of knowledge of good and evil to tempt us? Knowingly that man would eventually fall into temptation." Well, I just got my version of an answer to that question. If God created us to be robots (how I wish, sometimes, that I am one, so I don't have to feel anything, hehehe) , then that darn tree wouldn't be there. Adam and Eve will never have the right to choose, and will not be fully human. God gave men free will to choose and to love Him. God was giving Adam and Eve a choice, to obey or not to obey. I think the first sin was not even the result of eating the 'apple'. But from the very beginning, men refuse to follow order and fall into temptation. That was my answer. So if any of you CG members read this, can copy this answer and turn it in, hehehe...
That Friday night we have a couple members of Hope Stuttgart joining us. And at the end of the night, as per my phototaking habit insisted on doing, we're posing for photoshoot. And for once, my dependable Casio Camera is running out of battery. AARRRGGHHH... What gives? Luckily Markus Moetz, one of the German guys visiting, brought his camera and saved the day. Or I'll be bawling, for missing such Kodak moments, hehehe... Yeah I'm addicted to pictures, sue me. Later on, I found out that my plugger was broken, hence I was charging my camera without electricity coming in. So I guess, I will have to wait until the pictures are uploaded and ready to be sent to us. *Sigh* I shall update this post when the pictures are here.
Beside the photograph mishap, the night went by quite nicely. We still have our big group, minus several people. Perhaps next time we should have attendance record and the one with perfect attendance will win prizes, hehehe. Like Chocolate. What are we? First graders? But heck, I'll take it, hehehe.
The sitting arrangements were kind of funny, though, as people were automatically divided themselves like Moses parted the Red Sea, one side ladies, one side gents. Then, our head honcho, Chris, who said didn't have any ice breaker game watsoever prepared (yeah right, hehehe), told us to took out a piece of paper, jot down own names and pass it around every 15 seconds. The idea is to say our encouragement du jour on the paper with the respective names. I thought that was quite nice. Chris then asked: who got a comment that surprise you as in, you never thought that you are that character? Hardly anybody, or nobody got that special out of character encouragement. Me on the other hand was having fun, trying to decipher hand writings. And kinda cheated by counting who's sitting where, hehehe. The most comment that I thought was a bit not me, came from someone, maybe Alvin (the note suppose to be anonymous and although I'm counting backwards, sometimes people didn't write in order, and I only recognize a few handwritings). He said that I'm a good communicator. Thank you so much for his faith, because I don't really feel that way, hehehe. But glad that someone think of me like that. Whether he just want to be nice, since he hardly knew me or really meant it, it works as an empowerment to me.
For some of us, we ended the night with supper. And the plan to go Night Safari on this coming Saturday. Chris, Junda, Christian, Grace, Jon, Markus, Peishan and I (once again, missing the photo op :( ). Jon made a phone call to Edmond, and connecting him to Markus. I hope Edmond would be happy to hear someone speaks German to him again. I managed to grasp a little bit here and there when I hear Markus talked to Edmond. Wunderbach! Hehehe... After that we said gutten nacht to each other and headed home.
posted by God's Grace | 5:25 PM
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