Dazed and Confussed

Jack Kerouac said, “I had nothing to offer anybody except my own confusion.” How I can relate to that now. I am again stuck in another limbo. I thought I finally got that perfect situation where I thought I can settle for a longer time, but again the concept eludes me.

I found out that I like writing through this job and I must say I enjoyed it. But as the proverbs said, “Every Rose has its thorns”, they poked holes in my passion until it bled dry. I thought I know what I want; now I don’t know anymore. Is that the price to pay to be somewhat artistic? I felt like that those gifted kids that cannot fit in their normal classes. And yet, not good enough to be on the Menza.

And now I am having this confusion about what to do with myself. Would there be something that actually let me settle? And as much as I am love my husband, I felt like aside from him, I don’t have any other friend. I forgot how it was to hang out with just the girls. And silly workaholics, none of us is actually free to have a life. Things that we see on TV is just a make believe. Friends are too few in between. The more I hang out with people, the more I felt the façade that they put up and I got sucked up in the nothingness and I feel the comfort of my magic box is more fulfilling.

Sad much…