ゲン まぼろし

That's a word that express my feeling at the moment.

Today marked the unnoficial last day of my dream job. I don't quit. I did not get retrenched. The company that I worked for got surmountable financial problems, which they already had when they hired me and I got a sense that they hired me to be one of the plugs of a sinking ship. I don't want to admit it, but I could feel it earlier on in my working place. My job, in such a way, is too good to be true.

I am now semi jobless... like an aimless phantom wondering for a real sustenance. I got to get another job. But how can you get another one that will have the same level of satisfaction? My current defunct job is the type of job that I'm looking forward to everyday, the type that allows you freedom, and created the best in you. I never knew that I can write that much. I don't even know that I got a huge canvas of opportunity to be creative. In my short few months, I found what I am really all about. Now I know, why I never really focus on one topic... Because I am... A Magazine.

Now why don't I try to look for another job in another publishing houses?
Because this one is the perfect nitch of topic that I can think of for myself. Something that I originally thought doesn't even exist. And now it's all over. I was deeply heartbroken. For awhile I was alive, happy, full of ideas. I thought I was back in my saddle again. For once I made my parents proud of me. How flitting it was...

Now, I have to go back to the real world. Working for other people's ideas and passion; While I drag my feet, switching off my mind, and numbingly crunching letters on the screen. I need the money to stay in this zombie zone.

So just like I said... ゲン まぼろし(マボロシ)