Be of good courage

I'm hitting another milestone in my current job. This was one of the lowest moment working here, and it's taking a toll on me physically. My boss quit not too long ago and we already started feeling the brunt of it. His last moments at the office was noticeably lacking in spirit, and so when he announced his departure, I was the least surprise. For some reason when my colleague had an announcement about something of importance, I knew it. And soon after him another colleague of mine tender his resignation. Kinda expect that too. And the thing is, it enticed me to do the same thing.

I wrote this to one of my ex school mate, when she asked me what I've been up to... (there's some edit on her version, because FB didn't allow me to post my ranting that long, hehehe..

"Am working at an ad agency, managing accounts. Quite tiring. The good grace that I got, at least is that my clients are not as nasty as my colleague’s. But am still planning to pursue what I like the most, which is fashion… Once we’re more settled with things. Now, I have to bear with any job, and learning along the line. The ugly side of this rat race that am in now… I’m getting more and more tired with people.

Now I can appreciate those college times, when all I need to worry about is just learning and exams. Life was much simpler in Portland. And I feel like I don’t have enough time with my husband as I would like it to be, or even for myself. I can’t quit my job either, because living expenses in Singapore is very expensive. Both of us have to work full time. That’s why sometime I still wonder how would having a kid can account to our hectic lifestyle."

Amongst all these, I feel like I don't have anybody to talk to. But on another thought, why should I need anybody to talk to? Why can't I be like any other people who just swallow everything and forget about it?  I thought I did my good effort to do my job, but there's always somebody else who would botched it. I started to get short term memory loss and I've started to have heartburn. When people said that I shouldn't be stress about things, I wish I can just do that. Jon told me that mistakes happen and I need to move on, but again I can't take it just like that... not when I still have to face the music from somewhere and once again my comfort and my feelings will be shattered. I'm so not made for these craps. 

I envied my husband sometimes... He slept peacefully at night almost as soon as the lights out, while I have to be listless for awhile and felt that his snore is the reminder that I should be as gone as he is.

All I can do right now is be less care about things. Yeah, like I can do that. And contrary to the title of this post, I feel tired and light headed. I just need to remind myself that God is good and taking care of me. The funny thing about me, I only remember God in good times, but in bad times, I tend to use my own strength, and neglecting Him. 

Oh well...