Mercy Mercy Me

Today, am stranded at home again. To be honest, I didn't feel as lazy as any other days, but seriously, the lethargy and the pain on my head made me a lame excuse to miss another day of work. I exclaimed "urgent leave" to my boss, because I don't feel the need of paying homage to the company's doctor. Sometimes I wonder if I cut to work like a regular Singaporean. I know that for sure I haven't found my niche yet, and in the present market, I only saw a few openings that may fit me. And just like trying to apply to Harvard, only the chosen few deemed the position.


I feel sorry for my husband. He's really a hardworking man and trying to encourage me everyday. He also letting me know what to work on in my personal life, which I thought is way better than any scolding. I know that I need to leard to manage my time and schedule. I guess I missed that course in my time in Uni. Hahaha... I just know how to absorb knowledge but not really practicing it. Hmm... Should've taken Management courses to better myself, rather than learning Marketing. Something that I practically knew anyway. Maybe you should study something that you need to better yourself on rather than what you're interested at.




As I how I feel now, I have this insecurity and lower self esteem that plagued me with each day my phone not ringing for any offers of an interview. I am honest, and as much as I boast about myself, it has not caught the net yet. I also have any other insecurities such that I'm not good enough, etc., due to previous life. But I need to get over it and break away from all that holding me bondage. I'm moving on with what I thought is best and with the grace of God I know that I'm getting there.

I'm writing this blog as a statement of gratefulness also that I married the right man, someone that is opposite of me in many ways. For all within our new life together, I've been blessed and loved for who I am. Although I'm still having some restless thoughts about myself, I felt that I'm being 're-build'. I prayed that I can be a lot more blessing for him too. I tried to do as much as I can. And thanking God for each day I spent with him. For example, I studied more and had been a Christian longer than him, but he knows how to implement the Bible more than I. And the same as with the courses that I've studied in Uni. I'm knowledgeable perhaps, but he knows how to execute.

But most of all too... I missed of being able to sing again. Sometime the weigh of my mundane life outside from home is pulling me down. I use to think I'm a very extrovert person. I like to talk and be jovial. But lately the burden of having to deal with several uncharted territories, made myself unconsciously embittered, tired and withdrawn. Now, sometimes meeting certain people feel like a chore, a task that I have to perform and wishing that at the end of the day I didn't end up being either a stumbling block or a complaining lot.

In everything, though, I see God's grace keep following me everywhere. Like last Friday when I was dreading to meet this supposedly mean client. I dragged my feet to work and to her office. She was being told, on the day before, that she couldn't get what she wanted. And she had a bad reputation with all of my other colleagues and my previous meeting with her also confirmed it. I was telling God that I'm scared, but when I met with her, she was warm and even gave me an apple and offered me coffee. If that's not a miracle I don't know what that is. I have to write this one down, because it's just another miracles that I need to remember as I walk with Christ.

If you read my prologue to my blog... The lyric that I first heard through Michael English, the Christian singer, really touched me when I first heard it. Michael English is not a perfect example of how a Christian should behave. He backslidden here and there, but always keep on coming back to the grace that he was entitled. It gave me hope that I am not a hopeless case.

Now am staying at home, trying to be my best to become the housewife. Not that I'm complaining. I actually like it. I like to cook most of all too, and often the praise of my husband really make things worth it. I'm still working on to be that woman of Proverbs 31. Dude, trust me, it's hard. And my husband is helping me doing parts of it. Something that I'm semi lacking. For lacking of better words, hehehe...

Well... wishing you all a great day and may God's righteousness be upon you through Jesus Christ who strengthens you all!

"Optimist see a bagel, while Pessimist see a hole" - Anonymus