footprints in my life...

Swine swindler

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Wed, 03 Jun 2009 07:13:00 +0000

I was not having a very good day today. I was being swindled. I was on my way back home from my weekly networking meeting. When I passed these 2 indian guys and one of them happen to casually mentioned something to me as he walked pass, and it was the bait. I thought he said something like, "You look very (open)..." or something and that was all it took. I stopped and turned to him and said, "Excuse me?" And before I know it, he started selling off his belief and mentioned that he teaches Yoga and would like to read my fortune. I was like, "Uh huh (WEIRDO!)" He said my chakra was open and I got a very good eyes and I should not worried too much. I will be a millionaire, he said. He was about to pull me to a corner, when I told him that I got to go for a meeting. And then and there I should just walk away, but there's a feeling of decency in me to just stop a bit and listen to his reply before you walk off from people. At the same time, I felt that as though he's going to scream at me or something. I was feeling uncomfortable. Very much so. He said he's some holy people, he believes in Yoga. And he wrote me something in a piece of paper and gave it to me, I was like, yeah... give it to my hand that's holding a piece of tissue, so I can throw it away at the same time. And then as I was ready to leave, he said, "Pick a number below 9." I said, "7" And he said that he knew it and said to open the paper that he gave me earlier. Tcheah... Lucky guess. I think most either pick 7 or 8. But at that time, I should just walk away instead he open his pocket book, showing off his Ganesha or whoever is in there and start saying that he's some holy man and roughly speaking, "Give me your money." At first I claimed that I don't have cash with me. (I got $30 in my wallet) and he kept on prodding and at that moment for some reason I froze like an idiot and give him $10 just to brush him off. He saw that I have more. What a devil!!! He cleaned me up and still ask for more saying that with my big fortune, I got to pay for it. I don't know why I can't just be a jerk and told him off the first time. I DON'T EVEN BELIEVE IN YOUR MUMBO JUMBO!!! GET AWAY FROM ME YOU SATAN! Darn. I think I forgot to equip myself with my faith. Oh well, you know what. I believe that God can understand and some good will come out from all these. Hopefully that loser didn't use it to buy drugs (don't seem the type, but maybe some Holy hashis can slip thru the system).

And this is the e-mail that I wrote to my boss:

I don’t know what I got myself into… I think this headache really messed me up. I was being swindled today. As I was trying to get home, some Indian guy, introduced himself as some holy man, and although I already said I have a meeting to go to etc, he managed to get $30 from me, just because he said that I will be rich soon (the process was more complicated than just saying that I’m getting rich soon). He did some trick that predict my lucky number and other stuff, and silly me, I should have just walked away rather than have him see my palms, showed me his gods photos, etc. I SHOULD HAVE JUST WALKED AWAY. I felt like I have a mark in my forehead saying GULLIBLE. I don’t believe at whatever he’s saying, but there’s this feeling of ‘Paiseh’ when he asked me for my money. I felt as though he’s going to scream or do something bad to me if I don’t give him my money. It was an empty road, although it’s open/ next to heavy traffic. Good thing I’ve spent the better part of it for BNI. I’m really pissed at myself now and rather than healed, my headache grew.

I don't want to go against whatever religion, but seriously, this is not religious at all. You just don't ask money from people that you just 'help'. If your 'god' is really that powerful, you should get a better commission from this god, rather than getting meager change from poor victims like me. You don't scare people to get money... Or you're just the same as any swindler... SWINES! I think this is really the work of the Devil. No matter what form of religion he wants to mask himself in. Chakras, my butt.

Boredom

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Mon, 25 May 2009 08:10:00 +0000

The busy-ness of the conference had died down for a month now. And as much as I don't mind meeting new people, some people are just not worth to see again after you make their acquaintance. I think I have to say that I'm a very gifted debutante. Once 'special' people left the door, s/he will not see my invitation again.

I still have not found my niche, may it be working from home or working at an office. I ended up missing what the other can offer.

Yesterday, I was very tired due to the horrid humid and hot weather. It just sapped the strength out of you. And it had been a long day. Aside from a very good sermon at New Creation Church, I was beat. And it showed on my face and my physiology. I sounded like Paula Abdul on Coke (the soda). I made silly comments to my husband's partners and I felt bad about it. I wasn't even realizing it when it happen. Only at night when we recap on what's going on the day, he asked me why my replies were weird and don't make sense... There goes my 'debutante' status. Maybe I can still fit, the ones that were heavily boozed up.

I was feeling heavy about my life journey... Or shall I say my working life journey. I am easily bored and unmotivated. In a sense God gave me a better solutions in my current state. Lighter work hours and more freedom by working from home. But of course, one thing that I want the most is not there. Freedom. I was trying to say that to Jon's partners yesterday, but instead mumbles came out from my mouth. I can be your good host, carry myself well, socialize here and there, but don't ask me if I want to spearhead a rubber hose company. So boring. I ended up mumbling something alongside of being an artist and what not. I don't mind embarassing myself, since I've done it before, but I don't want to make my husband feel bad about it. I feel like a dumb ditsy blonde.

I love to read, and I like to learn new things too... But sad thing is none of these pay. I love to draw and design, but I feel that my ability is just so-so. I love to sing and perform, although I don't love the bohemian lifestyle that ensued. I love to perform for church function, but since my husband rubbed some cliques the wrong way, I guess I have to kiss that goodbye also. I don't blame Jon. He's a part of me, and what makes him happy it's like a surge of endorphine on my system also. It's just that once in awhile, my feelings just doesn't want to agree.

Am I a true artist? Or still dazed and confused in my own fairy tale reality? I still feel like a little girl trapped in a mature world. I felt like I don't know anything, and yet, I do know something, that I'm not that bad. I'm not so helpless. I just want my freedom. But I guess this can only happen on the next life. Not here.

that figure in your peripheral

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 15:53:00 +0000

I have been wanting to post this thought as some kind of result of experimentation. But it happen in real life and was in real time and result may vary. So don't ask for your money back if this so called remedy doesn't work.

I am not a fan of horror stories or movies, and after watching 'The Grudge' I don't intend to continue our relationship. Pun intended. But that curiosity is always there, clawing at me, enticing me to sneak a peek. The figure in your peripheral. Never really in your focus but bugging you like eye bugger. And when that one-second flash scared the crap out of you, it's too late to feel sorry for yourself. And it takes time to wiped that junk from your database, like a bad case of virus.

Now there were some times, that those one-second flashes didn't really affect me. And here's a case: I was very sad a couple days ago. With everything that happens surrounds my husband. I felt frustrated, upset, sad, all mixed into one. I understand my husband. I understand the care group people. Yet I know that the both sides 'speak different languages'. I'm stuck in the middle not knowing how to 'translate'. Before long, one decided to burn the bridges of friendship and the other helped fanned the flame. Both were right and both were wrong, but in the middle of finger pointing, both failed to see the other four fingers that pointing at themselves. And trust me, nobody will say that they are at fault. And I'm tired to be the middle ground. I didn't even agree to the meeting to begin with. So that was that. I came home in a crumpled mess emotionally. Worn out by senseless battle of banters. I've been saying quite a number of time that I'm tired of people. I like my role as a bystander. I'm just a witness - but with their guns blazing they were not looking at where they're aiming. I must say that they're not aiming perfectly, hence 'civilians' down. Call the medic!

And now I am a ghost. A crying one. The TV was on and the volume was loud to drown my sorrow. Then it came. The Ring's ghost, Samara, waved her appearance, asking for attention - plus other freak shows. Their music were intentionally haunting. I cried harder. The volume really good to buffer my sadness. And with all those stricken contorted face and bad hair day, I can only blamed the girl for getting herself into that stupid situation. I was too absorbed to be affected. Maybe it jolted me out of my reverie, but then I continue wallowing. It only stopped when I saw the exchange between Simon Cowell and the 'saved' Matt Giraud. Then my attention is secured.

So there you go folks... When you're sad, you throw your creepy crawlies out in the wind. I rest... my case.

Another beginning

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 02:08:00 +0000

Never really feel the time breezed out when you're having a break. Since I lost my job in October, it was really amazing that the plan that I was thinking of didn't work out and before you know it... It's January. And I will start with my new job soon. If I would like to summarize those missing 3 months, I would say that aside from my China trip I was (or I thought so) quite diligent in resume sending, attended a few interviews and taking care of my house and my husband. Aside from that, I don't think I did anything else. Which is quite sad. I hardly even stepped outside the house to shop. Imagine that. Yes I shopped for groceries. But it was with Jon (meaning, no time to browse) and it's out of my norm not to look around and window shop all those nice frills along the fashion spreads.

Now I became engrossed on what's the latest book rack at IKEA's catalogue rather than checking out fashion magazine for the latest trends. Well, usually I hardly notice the trends from fashion magazine anyway. I thought most fashion that were drapped there were not suitable to wear. It's just for art sake they were there. All in all, though, I am not that bad as in memorizing the furniture name such as SVAJZ or KALLT or whatever that IKEA conjured up. I know the name or even able to spell it, but I couldn't connect them to the items. It's just stuck on me brain because I've seen it quite a bit.

What's my resolution? I must say... Just to enjoy life as it may come. I would love to be able to sing more. Nothing ambitious. With all that's happening in the world, I became more and more cloistered in this cocoon of self perservation in not knowing. Might as well, God come now and take this creature comfort home. Hehehe. I know that when I checked my bank book, I somewhat amazed that I managed to save quite a bit, although I'm an impulsive shopper. And that God is providing for us through it all.

See... time ran out as I'm blogging this and I have to go out and meeting with my relatives now...

Daily dose of smile

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 13:42:00 +0000

I was thinking about writing my China Experience in this blog, and come to think of it, I don't know when would it end... For example, I couldn't even finish my Jakarta trip blog from 6 months ago and now it lays dormant on the draft portion of the blog, hehehe... So as I was checking out my mails, I found a few joke or two:

MEN ARE JUST HAPPIER PEOPLE

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back. When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has seven items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, deodorant and a towel . The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams. A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and who can handle it... and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

Let Him do the cold calling

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Thu, 16 Oct 2008 05:10:00 +0000

Sales, is the word that I dreaded now as I search into open positions in the market place. I've been in that arena and no matter how mild the experience be, I'd rather be doing something else. Market place is big world of sales, and no matter how low the association may be, but without "sales" there will not be economy, there will be no CEOs, or even money (concrete form or otherwise).

And yet another thing... you need to have a great ability to humble yourself to be going far in this sector. You have to be able to suck your pride as those rude receivers hung up on you before you even done speaking for the umpteenth time. You are just this medium with no thoughts or feelings. I really applaud these people's ability. If I may say so, I'm in a more 'stuck up' place of sales, meaning, I'd rather do marketing. Yes, there's sales factor in them, but I don't need to be the end of the spear. I'm playing the supportive stick. Figuratively.

So for all of you business people out there. May it be the front runner, or the one hiding behind, I read a verse that can be a good encouragement. And where else would that be if not in Proverbs, hehehehe...

"Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed." (Proverbs 16:3, NIV) But I like New King James version better...
"Commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established."

Notice that in NKJV, it states... "your thoughts will be established." As you're about to do up your sales (or in another current cooler, more dignifying term: Business Development). Before you even manage to utter a word, just pray that whatever that you would like to say is all guided by God so all is well, whatever the result may be. Even when that phone or meeting slams the door infront of your face, you will deflect it better knowing that God is with you. And when one door is closed, many other thing will be open, "A man's heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps." (Proverbs 16:9) Notice the word 'steps'. Not just one but many. Amen.

On a lighter note, I received this e-mail from a friend of mine in Indonesia. It's a joke about Marketing terms. The joke is in Indonesian, but I shall try to translate it. Hopefully I don't loose the undertone due to the language barrier...

The text is in Indonesian slang:Istilah Dalam Dunia Marketing (translated: Marketing Terminology)

1. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe samperin trus langsung ngomong, 'Gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' Itu namanya Direct Marketing.
(translation) You saw a beautiful chick at a party... You approached her and then said, "I'm rich. Marry me!" That is called Direct Marketing.

2. Loe lagi di sebuah pesta sama temen2 gokil loe trus loe tiba2 liat ada cewe cakep banget.. Salah satu temen loe samperin tuh cewe sambil nunjuk ke loe dia ngmg, 'Dia orang kaya, nikah ama dia yah!' Itu namanya Advertising.
(translation) You were in a party with your dorky friends when suddenly you saw this very cute chick. One of your friends approached the girl and pointed finger at you while saying, "He's loaded, marry him!" That is called Advertising.

3. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe samperin trus minta nomor HP-nya.. besokannya loe telpon dia trus langsung ngomong, 'Gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' Itu namanya Telemarketing.
(translation) You saw a pretty chick at a party. You approached her and asked for her mobile. The next day you rang her up and said, "I'm rich, marry me!" That is called Telemarketing.

4. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe rapihin dasi gembel loe, loe tuangin minum buat dia, bukain pintu buat dia, bawain barang2nya, trus sambil loe anterin pulang loe ngomong, 'btw gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' Itu namanya Public Relations.
(translation) You saw a pretty girl at a party; straightening up your ugly tie, you poured a drink for her, opened the door for her, carried her stuff, and while you're driving her home, you blurted, "By the way, am rich. Marry me!" That is called Public Relations.

5. Loe liat cewek cantik di sebuah pesta.. Dia nyamperin loe trus ngmg, 'Loe orang kaya kan, nikah sama gw yuk!' Itu namanya Brand Recognition. (translation) You saw a pretty girl at a party... She sauntered to you and said, "I heard you're loaded... Marry me, K?" That is called Brand Recognition.

6. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe samperin trus langsung ngomong, 'Gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' trus loe dapet gamparan pedes dari dia.. Itu namanya Customer Feedback.
(translation) You saw a pretty girl at a party. You approached her and said, "I'm rich, marry me!" then she slapped you hard. That is called Customer Feedback.

7. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe samperin trus langsung ngomong, 'Gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' trus dia kenalin loe ke suaminya.. Itu namanya Demand and Supply Gap.
(translation) You saw a pretty girl at a party... you approached her and said, "I'm rich, marry me!" then she introduced you to her husband. That is called Demand and Supply Gap.

8. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe samperin tp blom juga loe sempet ngmg apa2, ada cowo laen dateng trus langsung ngomong, 'Gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' .. Itu namanya Marketing Competition.
(translation) You saw a pretty girl at a party... you're approaching her, but before you managed to utter a word, there's another dude cut the line and said, "I'm rich, marry me!" That is called Marketing Competition.

9. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe samperin tp blom juga loe sempet ngmg apa2, ada cowo laen dateng trus langsung ngomong, 'Gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' dan tuh cewe cabut pergi ma itu cowo.. Itu namanya Losing Market Share.
(translation) You saw a pretty girl at a party... you're approaching her, but before you managed to utter a word, there's another dude cut the line and said, "I'm rich, marry me!" and she bounced with him... That is called Losing Market Share.

10. Loe liat seorang cewek cantik d sebuah pesta.. loe samperin tp blom juga loe sempet ngmg 'Gw orang kaya, nikah sama gw yuk!' .. tiba2 istri loe nongol..!! Itu namanya Barrier To New Market Entry.
(translation) You saw a pretty girl at a party... you approached her, but before you managed to utter, "I'm rich, marry me!" all of the sudden your wife appeared!! That is called Barrier to New Market Entry.

Lead me to the Cross

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 02:43:00 +0000

The messages these past few weeks at church really has blessed me. Especially yesterday when Pastor Jo had mentioned that we need to screen who do we want to listen to. The misleading power of suggestion that only bring you down, hopeless, frustrated and fearful are not the right message that God wants you to hear. You will be like a stunted plant, that can't grow to be as big as your potential and before you know it, you're missing out on the great things that been laid out for you just because you believe in a sliver of a lie.

Now I always thought that following the Lord, carrying the cross is a terrifying thing. Well you can think that and actually experience the pain and the suffering of the cross. But is that what God would like you to be? Suffering? As I remembered not everybody is called to be a martyr. Even a martyr faced his early doom as a part of a joy of knowing that they will be back home sooner than later, hence their courage to press on. It doesn't mean that you need to be martyr to be a Christian, because as Pastor Jeff (I think), said, that gift can only be used once, while other such as showing kindness, charity, etc. are continuous. So what's your giftings? God know you better than you know yourself. He knows your strength and weaknesses and how to applied them for His glory. Something that you may think is your strength may not be what God has in mind for you. And in all things, He still managed to laugh at your antics.

I believe that God know our limits and boundaries. Hey, as I mentioned in my previous post, I'm a creature of comfort. I can be comparable to a house cat (maybe even a plump, ginger colored tabby, hehe). And in all things God gave me avenues to really try and to be hands on in His projects. As of now, I know that God wants me to use my voice to bless people. But He also is still faithful to me in regard on touching other people's lives. Every time I lost out on a soul, I felt that I failed Him. And yet, he kept opening doors to another one, as though trying to tell me that it's not my fault. And I pray that all any little seeds that I manage to plant (or more likely... throw) can bud into a larger tree of faith.

I just read a message today speaking about the joy of being with our fellow Christian. It says, " I'm sure you have your own stories about meeting fellow brothers and sisters in Christ along life's road, sensing that eternal bond, and coming away with uplifted spirits. It's something that I cherish about being a part of the body of Christ." Have you felt that way when you meet random people that happen to be a Christian and you two strike a conversation, and for some reason you felt as though you just flow nicely with them? That's why sometimes, and please pardon me... I don't really like hanging out with Non Christian, because I felt their 'hopelessness', no matter how chirpy they are with their life. I sensed their 'emptiness', and I don't like the feeling of it. I know I shouldn't do that, but again God didn't give up on me, by sending me the backsliders. Funny that way. The ones that was not deeply rooted and hurt in the process. So it's a half baked people, that still have a sense of God's light but chose to meander from it. I think I can still speak their lingo. Another part of the chapter that I read was this sentence, "Does my life indicate that Jesus loves (the world) as much as God loves Jesus?"

Within that same chapter, aside from the author talking about the joy to be around our fellow brother and sister, she also put down John 17:23, which lead me to read the whole chapter by itself. And I could not help but teared up when I started reading the title: Jesus prays for all believers (NIV). Now if you noticed, this chapter was during his tumultuous struggle to continue on with what God has in store for Him. The cross. He was in Gethsemane, soon to be captured to be crucified. And yet He had time to think about us, in present time, that we may enjoy life on earth that He didn't have, the lives that God bless us with and the eternal union with Him later when it's time for us to go home.

"My (Jesus) prayer is not for them (the disciples) alone. I pray also for those who will believe in Me through their (the disciples) message, that all of them may be one, Father, just as You are in Me and I am in You. May they also be in Us so that the world may believe that You have sent Me. I have given them the glory that You gave Me, that they may be one as We are one. I brought complete unity to let the world know that You sent Me and have loved them even as You have loved Me. Father, I want those you have given Me to be with Me where I am, and to see My glory, the glory You have given Me because You loved Me before the creation of the world. Righteous Father, though the world does not know You, I know You and they know that You have sent Me. I have made You known to them, and will continue to make You known in order that the love You have for Me may be in them and that I myself may be in them." John 17: 20 - 26.

Have a great and blessed week ahead! Do enjoy the music video below. (Ahem... perhaps I can sing this at church too, hehehehe)

God bless you!

Where the heart is

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Thu, 02 Oct 2008 15:13:00 +0000

Yesterday, as we rested at the end of the day, we chatted. Jon had told me several times that bedtime at night is his favorite time of the day since we can just relax and talk until we drifted to sleep. Last night was no exception. But he made a remark that made me think even until today.

For the past two days, I screened two of my favorite chick flicks to him. And especially after watching “Babel”, I really need to see something lighthearted. Man! That movie was really depressing. So he got to see “Where The Heart Is” and “Love Actually” with me. Although I can tell for the first few moments, especially for “Where The Heart Is”, was kind of slow for him judging from his many comments during the show. But he managed to enjoy the shows, or at least pretended to enjoy them. He learned the meaning of “fornication” more vividly than before and by watching “Love Actually” he tries to come up with an "epiphany". Funny guy.

Then he summarized both his movie experiences. It seemed to him the movie portrayed American girls as brainless. I thought that was beside the point. It's all about the heart. But then his next sentence really gnawed at me.

“American girls are so stupid, huh? Just like my wife…” but before I managed to smack him, he added, “...to end up marrying a guy like me…” I was at loss for words. He was not facing me when he said those words and somewhat in the trance of slumber. What kind of statement was that? I told him that it was a sad statement, and when he asked me why, I couldn’t answer. It’s just too broad. Why would he just randomly said those word?

I marvelled at those sentence, because I could not even imagine my life without him. We are not the richest financially, but we do get by, and quite well also, plus his heart for God is also one of the things that I am grateful of each day (Dear Lord, please don't ask us for missions, tho :P. I am not the Safari type). He likes to make me laugh and patient toward my mood swings. He is God's blessing for me in a lot of ways.

I always thought there were elements of truth in every joke and this time joking or not, there’s a certain pinch I felt as his words opened both negative and positive connotations. Perhaps he gathered all this simple sentence to convey his feelings as a reaction, perhaps, to the things that I said, although I never meant any harm and it's just for the sake of chattering. Or perhaps it reflected from my attitude, which was not judgment of who he is as a person, but merely because I was not feeling my best. I tried not to read too much into it.

And as the lights out, I hugged him and I verbally thanked the Lord for the love of my life. He sleepily chimed in. Ditto...

Creature of Comfort is looking for Utopia

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 05:02:00 +0000

As I ponder into a lot of things that’s happening lately, I can’t even begin to think what would I do if I don’t have Christ in my life. Truthfully, I’m a “worry-er”, not a warrior, as I would like to be. I have to admit, I am still worried, although I know that in God everything is OK. I think that’s my weakness. My faith is not as big as mustard seed (I almost typed sesame seed, hehehe), but I believe that even a microbe can grow into something of a big pandemic; pardon the bad analogy. I guess, I have to conquer my fear of the unknown. Especially in this time of uncertainty.

It’s a volatile time. It’s the end of time. I just called my aunt in US today. She said that the economy really was not doing too well and she witnessed first hand that housing prices had gone down so low, and some of the developers had to claim bankruptcy due to nobody can pay or buy the housing complex that they built. The rows of beautiful Americana suburban became a ghost town, being replaced by unkempt tall grasses, moth and dust. The face of the news always emboldened the negative headliner that saying, pretty much, brace up for recession. One of our accounts was affected as Washington Mutual went up for sale. Good thing it’s not a major account that was parked in there. All is taken care of.

As some of you might already know, I already started putting my resume back up online, hoping for a better opportunity out there. I already even tol my colleague, and she also said that if I do find better opportunity, I better make my move.

I became more and more restless. I am a creature of comfort. Mixed that with an idealist and creative personality (meaning: can’t take criticism well). I feel like I’m having a bad mix in my gene. I felt I don’t suit well in the working world. But I have to be able to support myself. And I’m losing my grip in my workplace. As of now, it may not be the most stressful place to work in (I can post blogs within the same week, duh?), because all the clients are sated and got nothing to give us. I’m just worried when that wave of works started pouring in and most likely I don’t really know what to do. So many people would like to assume the job and yet telling me that I’m the project manager. Without any solid direction, I found myself becoming redundant and lost. I have to report to my boss’ boss (since my boss quitted), but now, it seems that she’s expecting me to come up with something, even if there’s nothing to report. I don’t know why would that be important. I guess, I don’t really have a good “chemistry” with her or something and with the whole no solid direction as whom I should be answering to, or who is the leading project manager in a lot of things, I became more and more stressed. I stuck in the middle of a lot of ding-dong-ings and sometimes bad decisions by either my ‘seniors’ or clients, and never a solid yes or no. And yet when I made my decision on certain things, it may not be the right thing. I don’t like negotiation, I guess. And I don’t like being kept in the confusion. I’m tired to the point of being tired of people. These people don’t really know what they want, and how am I suppose to know what do you want? I have other interesting things to do (at least for me) than to just baby-sit these people. But babysitting pays, and my interests don’t. Such a life.

Sometimes I wonder if working makes people sour. You got sucked in by all these ridiculousness of other people’s trash and before you know it, you are just another lost soul. Embittered and hopeless.

Through it all, though… I heard a comment of encouragement from my aunt, as I talked to her on the phone few days ago. She told me that unlike my mom, my sis or even the rest of my mom’s clan (which I’m closest and grew up with), I am the gutsiest. I would go out there show my face to the world and took the challenges, and come what may. I went to job interviews, get a real job. Although, I found it laughable when I can’t even be satisfied and holding on to a job for longer than one year. And then again, all of my relatives are housewives. I grew up within that perception and I’m by no mean ambitious, or at least I’m not the corporate ladder climber type. I’m the type that likes to walk straight from sunshine to sunset and smelling the roses as I go along. I told my aunt, that perhaps I’m the one that usually don’t really think, I just go head first, consequences later. I’m a person that thinks with my heart and not my head, so there you go. So when things get awry, people just gone nasty or boring with me, or when people trying to say that business is not personal, well, dude it doesn’t work like that with me. Everything is personal. I built relationships only to be messed up by my teammates and I lost my credibility to both my client and boss (especially when ‘boss’ forgot when I didn’t have any contribution to the fault). I got hurt in the process that as I visit my client, I have to put on a mentality that they will be snickering at me as I left their office. And I can't get mad by my team mates as well. Since they also became my friends too... *SIGH*

I would like to be optimistic to my upcoming new opportunity. I have to believe that I will stay for such a period of time, earning my living and at the same time not loosing myself. With God all things are possible.

I cried out of frustration the other day. I felt stifled. Stuck. I can’t even spread my own wings, because that doesn’t put money in the bank or bread on the table. I still need to chat with God to know why am I built this way. Why can’t I be more resilient and boring, so I can be neutral like the rest of these people. One think that made me glad that I’m not such is because that’s how I met my husband and not stuck to the commonality of society perception to settle down. But how I paid the price of waiting so long to do so. Hopefully finding what I would be with my life won’t take too long. Either that or pray to God to come and rapture both me and my husband, hehehe. Such a creature of comfort.

I know that the best is yet to come. Amen.

Weekday rambling

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 08:13:00 +0000

Have you ever felt looking at a couple and you feel the warmth and coziness of having them together as a couple? I know it’s a bit weird, but that’s how I feel about looking at the celebrity couple, Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gossling. Honestly, I’m not a fan of Ryan, but I do find Rachel to be charming. And I’m way pass all that starry-eyed teenager with fairy tale on her mind (but of course I have to confirm about this again, hehehe).

Their movie, “The Notebook”, although maybe not the sweetest love story for me, really struck that feeling of sweet melancholy. And now it seems that the image of them together forever stuck in my head, as that symbol of coziness. Makes me all soft and gooey inside.

Something that reminds me of the slow life on the Pacific Northwest, where summer sun was treasured, sweet smelling pine filled the air, and laughter on the backyard testified to another fun time of family gathering. No need for TV, when you have the loved ones, do some funny thing, or even just being their annoying self, while the other stoking the charcoal ready to grill the marinated barbecue meat. Chilled sodas and wine coolers being transferred out from the fridge and my beloved cats watching us while cozying for left-overs. Ah… those were the days. And to think that scanning over some tabloid pictures of a couple of celebs can create this mental image in my head.

Dude… I really need a break.

Be of good courage

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Thu, 21 Aug 2008 04:45:00 +0000

I'm hitting another milestone in my current job. This was one of the lowest moment working here, and it's taking a toll on me physically. My boss quit not too long ago and we already started feeling the brunt of it. His last moments at the office was noticeably lacking in spirit, and so when he announced his departure, I was the least surprise. For some reason when my colleague had an announcement about something of importance, I knew it. And soon after him another colleague of mine tender his resignation. Kinda expect that too. And the thing is, it enticed me to do the same thing.

I wrote this to one of my ex school mate, when she asked me what I've been up to... (there's some edit on her version, because FB didn't allow me to post my ranting that long, hehehe..

"Am working at an ad agency, managing accounts. Quite tiring. The good grace that I got, at least is that my clients are not as nasty as my colleague’s. But am still planning to pursue what I like the most, which is fashion… Once we’re more settled with things. Now, I have to bear with any job, and learning along the line. The ugly side of this rat race that am in now… I’m getting more and more tired with people.

Now I can appreciate those college times, when all I need to worry about is just learning and exams. Life was much simpler in Portland. And I feel like I don’t have enough time with my husband as I would like it to be, or even for myself. I can’t quit my job either, because living expenses in Singapore is very expensive. Both of us have to work full time. That’s why sometime I still wonder how would having a kid can account to our hectic lifestyle."

Amongst all these, I feel like I don't have anybody to talk to. But on another thought, why should I need anybody to talk to? Why can't I be like any other people who just swallow everything and forget about it? I thought I did my good effort to do my job, but there's always somebody else who would botched it. I started to get short term memory loss and I've started to have heartburn. When people said that I shouldn't be stress about things, I wish I can just do that. Jon told me that mistakes happen and I need to move on, but again I can't take it just like that... not when I still have to face the music from somewhere and once again my comfort and my feelings will be shattered. I'm so not made for these craps.

I envied my husband sometimes... He slept peacefully at night almost as soon as the lights out, while I have to be listless for awhile and felt that his snore is the reminder that I should be as gone as he is.

All I can do right now is be less care about things. Yeah, like I can do that. And contrary to the title of this post, I feel tired and light headed. I just need to remind myself that God is good and taking care of me. The funny thing about me, I only remember God in good times, but in bad times, I tend to use my own strength, and neglecting Him.

Oh well...

lookey likey

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 03:59:00 +0000

Hmmm... just having some random thoughts of idleness. Before I married to Jon, I could never care less about soccer or how everybody else outside of US called it football. If I were a fan of any kind of sports, I would say it would be the basketball, especially during the heyday of Portland Trail Blazers... Sigh... Nevermind that.

So as an avid couch potato, indulging on hours of crystal tubing, I started to notice something. Jon is a big fan of Arsenal. While I was dating him, I only thought that the uniform of this team was ghastly. A bit on the tacky side and doesn't look cool, meandering to some poorly design school PE uniform. Then Jon start making me sit through to watch the game with him. I am free to do whatever I want, but just have to be by his side. And I always enjoying his nearness too, so it works. Once in a while, I would look up to see how the team was doing and how Jon's favorite, Cesc Fabregas, performed. For some reason, beside I thought that Fabregas was quite a handsome chap, he looked somewhat familiar. But I couldn't really pin point at the time, so I brush away the thought.

Until the season of "So you think you can dance" show started to air in Singapore. Then... Eureka! Wade Robson! I was a fan of N'Sync and during my FUBU# 5 jersey (I dug the black one! JC Chasez' fan, hehehehe) sporting days, I was down with Wade's dance moves. Though I looked more like a ragdoll in some bare midriff jersey trying to imitate anything that resembled Macarena craze.

So here it is from one lifetime to another... I thought Wade and Cesc can be brothers, Wade being 5 years older and about 16 cm taller, and the both have the ability to carry on a good show.

Check this out...

Simply New Year

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Thu, 14 Feb 2008 05:55:00 +0000

I didn't realize that I've been absent from this activity for more than a month. I thought I posted not too long ago. How time fly... Faster and faster... I was being reminded by Gary (thanks dude!) that I have not been updating. So here I am penning a thing or two.

So what happen to me lately?

I am one month old in my new company. Totally new experience from my previous one, aside from meeting the clients. I have to learn from scratch again. And am been feeling that my education has been somewhat a waste in this office. I feel so lost and useless sometimes. Yet, at the same time, as much as I want to help, I feel more like a nuisance rather than accommodating. Other than that, everything is cool. I come home later than my previous regular hours, but for some reason, you just don't feel it. And before you know it, Jon would start paging me asking me what time to pick me up... Oh, on the same note...

We bought a car! A 2005 Red Mitsubishi Cold Plus Sport (The term "Sport" is just to indicate that you got some extra fog light. Sometime I wonder if the car maker is short in inventing another cooler name rather than "Sport" to indicate that we got some extra lighting. If anybody can input me on this, hahahaha. Sport and fog light does not really gel on me). What attract me to the car the most was the automated trunk door. Me like cool gadget. Honestly when Jon first mention about getting a car, a small part of me was worried. Car in Singapore is ridiculously expensive, and we pretty much spend the same amount of money (if not more) on this car as my used E320 Mercedes back in US. But since it's only a small part of me was worried, the bigger part of me, scream, "Yay!" Hehehe... I'm so weak. Now, aside from Merz or Beamers, I don't really like sedan. Look oldie to me. I like the shape of Audi TT, The Mustang (yeah, baby!), or more sporty (fog lights or not, hehehe) look. Hence, the other car that was somewhat attracting me during the shopping around was Hyundai Tuscani, or as my cousin Jimmy would like to say, "A poor man's..." Porsche. Beside the rugged CRV type or the Merz M-Class, another type of car that I like would be the rounded butt or people here call it "hatchback" cars. And my car falls into this category. I love the Minis (Coopers) and Pikachu VW's Bug, so Honda Jazz/ Fit was quite attractive, until they showed me the back seat that can fold like a cheap IKEA plastic chair. And they just go by brand and charge you crazy amount of dollars. And still minus the automated trunk door. So when Jon introduced me to this car, I was hooked. And I was ready to settle for the silver color, until I saw the wine-red color. It renewed my love for red cars. My first dream or red car was dashed when I got my first car, the silver Buick (just in case you don't know what Buick is, it's under General Motor and totally an American car). Then come my second, the dark grey Merz and I thought I was mellowed. Don't get me wrong, I always appreciate what my parents got me :) But now for my current car... The most expensive car we ever bought (coz came from my own pocket)... I just have to have it. Red, cute and loud :P

And without realizing… today is Valentine’s Day. The day that I usually dreaded the most. I did not have high hopes of anything special today, but Jon surprise me with a dinner and a movie. (*Of course, by the time this blog is posted, all these things had happen, hence I can recount all the special things that happen at this day). Jon that I knew does not really appreciate giving flowers. When he dated me, only once he gave me flower. And it’s only one gangly stock of Lily. Yes, the Lily was huge and fragrant. And since, he bought flowers alright but they’re addressed to my mom. The lilies became my mom’s favorite now because Jon indulged her with them. (BTW, my mom never liked receiving flower until Jon started giving a bouquet for her). I learned with this habit that he likes Lily the most. His reason was practical, “smells nice!” He doesn’t really like roses. “Too common,” he said. So I was surprised when last Thanksgiving he bought me a bouquet of Lilies and even more pleasantly surprised when he got me a Sunflower bouquet today! Again he break the habit by changing flower on me. But with the choice of flower he said his message to me, “You are the sun in my life…” *Cue: Awww… I was on my way to deliver Valentine Cakes for Elaine’s clients, Jon took me to the bakery and help me carried the cakes to the client. And since it’s already close to 6pm, we went straight ahead to Great World city where my Valentine treat awaited. We ate dinner at Kenny Rogers and then proceed to our movie, a very romantic choice… “Jumper” *Cue Laughter. Hey at least he tried. (For some silly reason, there’s no romantic movie available). After a so-so movie, he let me know that the first plan was to dine at Al Dente and he already booked, but because I ended up early, we managed to catch dinner early. I know we didn’t get to go to Al Dente, but just the thought that he actually booked the place for us, is just too sweet for me.

And the honeymoon continues…

The Christmas Message

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Fri, 28 Dec 2007 03:39:00 +0000

I heard from my relatives in Portland that it snowed on Christmas Day. How I miss the serenity of snow and the feel of comfortable slumber of the season. The difference at this time is just that I have my husband to snuggle with and as the song "I'll be home for Christmas" played in the background, we can only reminisce the cool air amidst of our air-conditioned room. Christmas away from home did not feel as bad anymore because I have Jon with me.

For our Christmas party, we invited our caregroup friends and several guests to join our merriment. And what a blast it was. We were all having a good time and a few extra pounds on our belly. And I like what my husband wrote to the Caregroup on his e-mail:

Hi Everyone,

Still having hung over from our Christmas party? Here’s something to warm our hearts. Hung (Dee’s colleague) SMS-ed me after the party:

“Dear John & Anne, honestly this is the most wonderful Xmas get together ever. Really appreciate ur hospitality and kindess. Merry Xmas. God bless your family. Hung & Hieu.”

I hope Irene also enjoyed herself. Brett wanna feedback?

I think it’s a very cozy get-together and I hope everyone enjoyed it. Frankly this is a party with many thoughts in my mind:

Synergy: I have managed to pull together individuals like Michelle, Patrick, Junda and my dear wife who do not have many experiences in organizing CG activities in and they have done a very sweet job. Would like to thank God for their serving hearts! Except Peishan, who came out with 5 out of 6 witty questions for the “Know Your Partner” quiz, could not make it last minute due to bad flu… (Hey with her spirit with us, we have exactly 17 people in our party! A number I initially prayed to the Lord!)

Bonding: To let the “Single & Available” in our CG feel “part of it” even though there are many couples in the CG. Yes, we have to identify this trend in our CG, and face it as a whole group. Though 2 become 1, but all of us form 1 body. In fact as singles, it’s even easier to function when you are single because there is more flexibility and freedom to serve God. Trust me, God blesses people who serve!!! I can boast it and claim it because when I focus on serving Jesus, the Lord blesses me with a business, a noble wife and a house at Boon Tiong to bless more people. So folks, please do not stop serving our wonderful Lord, whether singles or attached!

Trusting in the Lord: Anne and I actually really put our trust unto the Lord for this party. We do not have any theme about it but just “REST” unto God’s providence. Here are some of the things that happen if you set aside time to “REST” unto God:

We managed to come across the door gifts idea regarding the Christmas Gloves while shopping at Plaza Singapura
Finding the caterer’s (Deli Hub) brochure in my company mailbox and trusting the Lord that the food would turn up nice
Candies ideas while shopping around Vivocity
Bookmark with messages while shopping around Bras Basah
Christmas decoration ideas while shopping around at Takashimaya
Party ideas while watching TV at home (Party Planner with David Tutera in Discovery Travel and Living)
Alvin presenting his Christmas Tree with ornaments to us
Sakae Sushi finding my home mailbox 5 days before the party
Idea for Fondue while shopping at Tangs
Neighbour to provide me with 5 black stools
My parents to provide me with 6 red stools
Finding the perfect gift for Gift Exchange at Tangs
Holy Spirit to make our house cozy
The message about “IDENTITY” from the Lord. Though its very brief, I tried my best, folks… =P
And last but not least the symbolic meaning of Christmas Wreath and 5 Candles while googling for “Facts about Christmas”.
Anyway, for accounting purposes, here’s the overall Love Offering I got:
Dee: $100
Albert: $50

I’m pleased to announce that offerings are now officially closed. Anne and I would not accept anymore offerings for the party. For those who felt loved and would like to bless, sorry to inform you that you have to wait at least 1 year to do so. It’s not too long because I waited 3 years for an opportunity to organize a Christmas Party on the behalf of our Lord Jesus to bless others. Here’s the process:
When Anne accepted my proposal on last year Christmas Eve, I know the dream of organizing a Christmas Party to declare my love for Jesus would be soon.
When God blesses me with this house early this year, I know the opportunity to bless others is coming.
When Dee posted this question of organizing a Christmas Party during the CG few weeks ago, I tell myself “That’s it!” Thank God for that!
Okay… any more thanksgiving would have to wait till this Friday CG. I pray that Peishan would be healthy soon. I pray that Edmond would recover and discharge from Changi General Hospital asap. I pray Gene would have a good time of cuddling with her family back in South Africa and return with LOVE that can last her till the next family re-union.

May year 2008 be a swelling year for each one of us!

Cheers
Jon

If you would like to take a look at some more of our photos that fun night, you can visit my photobucket.

Have a wonderful Rest and a great Season!

God bless everyone!

Curtain Call

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 03:52:00 +0000

As the year 2007 is closing to an end, another chapter in my life is about to be closed. I would like to count all the blessings than heartaches that I received this year.

One: My wonderful marriage with my beloved Jon.

I thought today was a great time to express it, because at the same time today is our 5th months anniversary. Yes, we are still brand new married couple and our honeymoon is blessedly prolonged. Last month when we hit our fourth, Jon told me that I should've reminded him about it and because I didn't, we missed it. So I messaged him today reminding him of our bond together. Yesterday was not really a good moment for the both of us. It started wonderful, but as the burden of our job claiming our sense of peace our exchanges became shorter and ebbing. The good thing was it lasted only for a short while and we traded our "I love yous" soon after. I enjoyed listening to him reading the Bible to me at night. Beat watching late night TV all the way. The way Jon read was quite theatrical, sometime I'm amazed that he still got all that energy even that late in the night. He always made me smile with his antics

Two: My daily miracles.

All the good things that happen in my life, is not a coincidences. One of them is of course, my upcoming new job. As I was applying for a better opportunity, the response is few and slow. Sometimes I wonder if my resume was really that bad, or I don't know what. I hardly got a phone call from a good decent company and so I was getting more hopeless each day I didn'treceive that solid phone call. So one day, I receive one call for interview for this small ad agency. This company was not even my focus to begin with as I was looking toward banking. But I entertained the call and went for the interview anyway. One thing... Although I was having high hopes and dream about working for advertising, the dream soon dousing off, after none offered to me. And so, I was quite surprised that this company called me back even with my lack of experiences, to say the least. The interview went well and the interviewer even sounded a hint that I'm on my way to become their next employee. Another note, when he first called me on the phone for the interview, he stated to me," You're not a creative person, are you?" My answer was, "It depends on what constitute creative..." So at the interview, I asked him, "why did you say that I was not creative?" He said, "I was looking at another resume." Sometime I still wonder if I was not even considered to begin with. But that would prove even better, that God helped me. On the way out, I met with Elaine. She was the next interview candidate. What a small world. Perhaps God decided to bless us both. I was quite excited for the prospect to work for this ad agency. But of course there's the part whether or not this is the right one, etc. So I prayed for a guidance, that is if Elaine is accepted that means it the job for me too, because at the moment this company is looking for 2 persons to work for them. Elaine got the job first. And soon after they called me back for a second interview and at the end of it, I was offered the job with a pay that's quite decent. Not as much as I wanted, but pretty much 1.5x my current pay. That was the big one, but the small events such as big orders, nice people on my paths and random taxis when there seemed to be hopeless keep on popping up to me.

At the moment I have not resign yet. I am still waiting for the bonus that is rightly mine. I know it's kind of inappropriate to resign right after receiving the bonus, but at least I'm not faking that I am in the business of receiving money. And I know another miracle is coming :)

anne cann cook

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Fri, 16 Nov 2007 05:12:00 +0000

I was just recalling some of my moments when I was younger and couldn't help at how far along I've changed. Especially at cooking.

I was never a fan of cooking when I was younger and whenever I dabble in the kitchen was just because I would like to please my grandmother (who's a very good cook) and mock my mom (who isn't). Everytime there's a good result at "Upside Down Cake" (that's the actual name by the way), my grandma would praise me and boasted it to my mom. I was about 10 then, but even then I knew that my grandma was just trying to make me feel good. And even then I knew that it's only a trick. Hello... my job was only to put the pineapple on the batch and let it simmer. As gullible as I was, I still knew that it was a miniscule task from the real cake baking process. But I felt good anyway. I can't remember how to make it now... Perhaps it's time to ask my grandma again and this time I will attempt it myself.

As I grew older there's another incident where I have so semi show my prowess in the kitchen. Well with the help of McDonalds, to be precise. That time I was involved in this annual high school Valentine lunch. I was partnering with my buddy Rachel Gibbs and we're supposed to draw lot on who are we going to "double date". We got Scott Stricker and... I forgot who the other guy was. I think it was Jason Scheidler. The menu was one of my proud batch of egg fried rice. Now, I was not really considering that it's going to be in the morning and then plain ol' egg fried rice would be so boring and ugly looking without any meat. Hence the trick of buying chicken strips from faithful McD. I told Rachel to be in charge of the drinks. Now, I discounted the chance of McD having Chicken Strips for breakfast menu. So frantically and panically I tried to perfect my colorless fried rice. The menu managed to be presented to our "lucky" dates. But I wonder what would they think of it. I can only think back in embarassment. The good thing was that both Scott and Jason are wonderful gentlemen and they didn't show any disappointment toward our presentation. Believe me, our presentation was sad. Other had nachos or some other Mac and Cheese with coleslaw, other wonderful trimmings and decos. Some were of course either bought or their moms homemade menus. Me, in my attempt to show my limited culinary expertise, failed to remember that we also need embelishment in our presentation. I didn't manage my menus well. The next day it was our turn to be dined by the guys who picked our names from the hat. I just remember that they did well, I was full and entertained. Now the thing is, I couldn't even remember who our dates were. Not because they failed to entertained us, but because my embarassment from the previous day left a bigger imprint on my ego :P

A few months before I'm married to Jon, I attempted to cook for my family. For some reason my mom shouted her faith that I am a good cook. And so, encouraged by her affirmation, I strolled to the kitchen and started making my own lunch concoction. Again, I crashed and burned. At that time, my sister's boyfriend was also around and he's quite a culinary gem. He tasted my cooking and politely ate them in silent and my mom started making a fuss about how the food was a bit too salty. I tasted it and it seriously terrible. I told everybody to eat other things (luckily my dad bought quite a number of dishes from his trip to his bank). My youngest sister tried to show her loyalty to me by saying, "It's really good, sis. I can still eat this," and forcing herself to take more of my dish, although she scrapped bits and pieces to make it more edible.

And so as I entered my marriage, for some reason, I got a feeling that my hubby Jon is the kind that would like to be impressed in this particular department. And so with another attempt, I started my battle in the kitchen and started cooking for him. That first moment when I was done tasting my cooking, I was quite surprised that it's actually nice. And the moment my husband praises me for it, really makes my day. Now I can say that I quite know how to survive in the kitchen and became one of my destressing activities, no matter how tired I am. One dish after another, I saw the satisfaction from my husband and I felt very happy. I am still not a culinary expert, but for some reason, I like how my mom claims about me, "Anne got a 'tasty' hand..." (although I have not make any successful attempt at that moment). I managed to soothe my grandma's concern about me. She once complained to my mom and aunts, "That girl... Never helped in the kitchen... What would she feed her husband?"

Don't worry, grandma... Anne Can Cook... Now!

1 Kool Kat

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Thu, 08 Nov 2007 06:00:00 +0000

This blog is me exercising my simple gift of affirmation to my husband, Jon.

Once in awhile I would drop some message to Jon and vice versa. So this one time I was in the middle of some annoying stress time and I refuse to be sucked into this ridiculous manmade madness, hence I dropped Jon a simple love note. Just thanking him for being a wonderful husband. I sent him a Dayspring e-card... And then he replied me with another note.

Now I don't know if you know that I like cats. Jon doesn't. He always teased me by saying (and sometime goofing) some rude treatment towards the cats, whenever we saw one or when we're watching Animal planet.

So what made the e-card really special was that it featured 2 cartoon cats, sit on a picket fence; their backs are facing us. And the message: "Loving you is what I like to do" plus Philemon 1: 7a (NIV). The Ginger male cat was leaning to a smaller white cat and his tail was swaying as though comforting. The picture and the message were simple, but they really touched my heart. I was having a "Chesire" cat smile and warmth creeped into my heart. He adopted my love for cats, even for that moment, and really made my day. It's like he was hugging me the way the ginger cat was curling up to the white cat. Too bad I can't cut and paste the picture, and I took the picture using my camera phone, but so far, I still struggle to upload it to my computer. One of these days I will update this blog again with the picture.

I thanked Jon personally for that special e-card. Although he thought nothing about it, but he made an effort to find that cat e-card for me. But he did ask me if I read the e-card, though. I found the e-card a day later than his sending date.

But the point is just remember to let your loved ones know how much they're loved in whichever way you can, you never know how much that will brightens someone's day.

Mercy Mercy Me

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Tue, 23 Oct 2007 04:16:00 +0000

Today, am stranded at home again. To be honest, I didn't feel as lazy as any other days, but seriously, the lethargy and the pain on my head made me a lame excuse to miss another day of work. I exclaimed "urgent leave" to my boss, because I don't feel the need of paying homage to the company's doctor. Sometimes I wonder if I cut to work like a regular Singaporean. I know that for sure I haven't found my niche yet, and in the present market, I only saw a few openings that may fit me. And just like trying to apply to Harvard, only the chosen few deemed the position.

I feel sorry for my husband. He's really a hardworking man and trying to encourage me everyday. He also letting me know what to work on in my personal life, which I thought is way better than any scolding. I know that I need to leard to manage my time and schedule. I guess I missed that course in my time in Uni. Hahaha... I just know how to absorb knowledge but not really practicing it. Hmm... Should've taken Management courses to better myself, rather than learning Marketing. Something that I practically knew anyway. Maybe you should study something that you need to better yourself on rather than what you're interested at.

As I how I feel now, I have this insecurity and lower self esteem that plagued me with each day my phone not ringing for any offers of an interview. I am honest, and as much as I boast about myself, it has not caught the net yet. I also have any other insecurities such that I'm not good enough, etc., due to previous life. But I need to get over it and break away from all that holding me bondage. I'm moving on with what I thought is best and with the grace of God I know that I'm getting there.

I'm writing this blog as a statement of gratefulness also that I married the right man, someone that is opposite of me in many ways. For all within our new life together, I've been blessed and loved for who I am. Although I'm still having some restless thoughts about myself, I felt that I'm being 're-build'. I prayed that I can be a lot more blessing for him too. I tried to do as much as I can. And thanking God for each day I spent with him. For example, I studied more and had been a Christian longer than him, but he knows how to implement the Bible more than I. And the same as with the courses that I've studied in Uni. I'm knowledgeable perhaps, but he knows how to execute.

But most of all too... I missed of being able to sing again. Sometime the weigh of my mundane life outside from home is pulling me down. I use to think I'm a very extrovert person. I like to talk and be jovial. But lately the burden of having to deal with several uncharted territories, made myself unconsciously embittered, tired and withdrawn. Now, sometimes meeting certain people feel like a chore, a task that I have to perform and wishing that at the end of the day I didn't end up being either a stumbling block or a complaining lot.

In everything, though, I see God's grace keep following me everywhere. Like last Friday when I was dreading to meet this supposedly mean client. I dragged my feet to work and to her office. She was being told, on the day before, that she couldn't get what she wanted. And she had a bad reputation with all of my other colleagues and my previous meeting with her also confirmed it. I was telling God that I'm scared, but when I met with her, she was warm and even gave me an apple and offered me coffee. If that's not a miracle I don't know what that is. I have to write this one down, because it's just another miracles that I need to remember as I walk with Christ.

If you read my prologue to my blog... The lyric that I first heard through Michael English, the Christian singer, really touched me when I first heard it. Michael English is not a perfect example of how a Christian should behave. He backslidden here and there, but always keep on coming back to the grace that he was entitled. It gave me hope that I am not a hopeless case.

Now am staying at home, trying to be my best to become the housewife. Not that I'm complaining. I actually like it. I like to cook most of all too, and often the praise of my husband really make things worth it. I'm still working on to be that woman of Proverbs 31. Dude, trust me, it's hard. And my husband is helping me doing parts of it. Something that I'm semi lacking. For lacking of better words, hehehe...

Well... wishing you all a great day and may God's righteousness be upon you through Jesus Christ who strengthens you all!

"Optimist see a bagel, while Pessimist see a hole" - Anonymus

Fat Ol' Goliath

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Sat, 20 Oct 2007 13:17:00 +0000

I just couldn't resist to post this fat cat on my blog. So perhaps anytime I feel like cuddling a cat, I just imagine this one. This dude is soooooo cute. Especially with the small beady eyes due to the fatty eye lid, hahaha... Truly in the spirit of Garfield! Minus the ginger fur. And to think that this news is from The Oregonian... Home sweet home!

Katrina Syndrome

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Wed, 29 Aug 2007 08:55:00 +0000

I was just browsing the MSN homepage when I noticed their scrolling flash regarding the aftermath of Katrina... 2 years later. (Can't you tell that I'm just a sucker for commercialism? Any moving thing, I just click, hehehe) Anyway, I just looked at all the before and after picture. Unlike those slimming ads or the makeover ad, I saw grimmer pictures. The nice houses or buildings, most were never recovered, it became a bare dry land and only a couple, I think, that really rebuild and make the new buildings better than before. It speaks volume to me, how some people are still mourning or in their melancholic state. That and perhaps no money.

Claiming Favor

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Mon, 27 Aug 2007 06:51:00 +0000

It's Monday again. Although a part of me still need to be dragged to move, at least my mood was not as bad. Aside from the slow business at least God blessed me with 2 new appointments for tomorrow. I guess it's true you have to claim God's favor everyday. My current boss said that usually from 10 cold calls that you make, most likely that you will get none. Well today, from the 3 I made just now, I got 1 1/2... the half part is because this client may want to see us again to clinch a deal with us, but he was too busy and I have to call him up to remind him. Hehehe. At least he didn't cancel, right?

Yesterday I listened to a great sermon about facing your day. Know how to live your life at rest. Too much relying on your self is not good. You got to rely more on God and actually believe that He will come through for you. I know it's kind of lame to have to be reminded everyday that His provision is always sufficient, but sometimes facing the dour faces of the people around me makes me remember that we're still attached to the sucky world.

I went to a job interview last Wednesday. I still have my current job, but I think the more I stayed here the more I know that this is not what I wanted. Sometimes I wonder if there's such a thing that really fits me best. But I guess there are lots of jobs out there yet to be ventured so why not. Now, the message yesterday really speak to me about when God didn't open the door, that means it's not for you. The best one is yet to come, although you thought that it may be the one that you need to take on. The result from my interview was not revealed yet. The lady... I think her name is Catherine, told me that she might give me a call either "Friday or next week..." Friday passed with no call. But the "next" week has just started. For some reason I was happy after the interview last Wednesday. It's quite a short one, but for some reason I thought I did good. But no matter what, God will provide. I just need to believe more in Him and also myself.

Some of the funny things also the fact that some of my clients are also offering their job openings to me too. Am not being headhunted... not yet at least :P, but they let me know that there is an opening, or just asked me to try their offices. Some clients are just nice :)

Also I learn more to be more sensitive to God's voice. He can use the simplest and mundane things to let us know that He is in control. Great thing is that Jon is starting to experience those sort of things also. For example... Mid August, around my birthday time, I became unwell and I'm having a hard time focusing on my job (you can count this one also, hehehe). My head was woozy most of the time and I became absent minded. As much as I would like to try my ability to multi task, the other part of the details start to fall apart. It's like trying to scoop water and trying not to spill any. It's doable, but again my hand is small. If you get my gist. On that Thusday after the hiccup on my project, that's not my faulty, I left the office, heading to Takashimaya to pick up certain items for my client. As I entered the taxi, my cellphone battery beeped. It's dying. Not even a single bar on the phone battery. As the journey was close to approach my destination, there's a still small voice talking to me... "Check your wallet..." I did. And I panicked when I noticed that my wallet is nowhere to be found. And I couldn't even remember whether I took it out from the bag. Again the voice said, "Call home..." I used my last energy on my cellphone to call home and good thing was my family is around to help bailing me from the taxi bill. I went home rather than go to Takashimaya. Later on my mom took me there and help me gather item for my client.

The next day. The weather was really bad. It was raining and I have to carry 2 large frames to my customer's place. Jon gave me some money for cab, because I have to meet with my client first before going to office. This time the attack was targeting my handphone. Not that I forgot to bring them, as I was carrying out my duty, the phone drop from my pants and inside the taxi cab without me realizing. My client was late, but again, there's a nudge... "Call your client..." And because of it I realized that my phone was not with me. I tracked down the taxi and later got my phone back safely. As much as I want to claim stress for the day, I got myself some adrenaline rush to perk myself up. And proving God was actually going to work with me. I told my experiences to my colleagues, who are non Christians. I didn't even quote God in my story. One of them saying, "There must be an angel looking out for you." With the remark, I became a bit bold and actually admit it. Yes, there's an angel sent for me. Thank God.

My TMI index of the day

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Tue, 24 Jul 2007 03:56:00 +0000

Just in case you guys are wondering what it TMI, it stands for Too Much Information. I've been reminded and reprimanded because my TMI index is just too much. See... by telling it like it is even in this blog is a proof of my TMI index. Sometimes you can just write anything in the blog, thinking that nobody will read you anyway and in a sense there's that double feeling that you can share your heart with somebody. But then this whole phenomena becomes another paradox of commoner's tabloid journalism. You're free to pour your heart out, but at the same time, you're not that free. Unless if you don't plan to live with another human being. A lot of things are better left unsaid... Really tough for me, hehehe. But I thought I'm not that bad.

So here again I will be keeping my story at arm's length. Can't really pour my heart out, because it may have some Butterfly Effect somewhere. I've taken down some of my blogs... I must say some of them for my own goods too. So there. You won't know how I really feel like anymore. This blog will become a Disneyland of sorts. All nice and chirpy with bluebirds singing on my shoulders.

But here's a short story for today. I hope it can be a blessing...
I've been dragging myself at work lately. Due to lesser and lesser things that interest me here, too many pestering and nagging to handle. But other than that everything is great. I guess, I can't work with my own pace in this town. So here I was taking orders and processing it. I was happy to have closed a deal that at least will generate some bucks to this very slow month (TMI alert: Just so you know, everything else in my life is great except work, hehehe. I got great husband, great house and great family of God surrounding me). I managed to deliver and everything was like clock work until later at dinner time, my client asked me to cancel the order and told me to pick up the items, because her boss don't like it. Good thing that I don't work for Nordstrom or that will be the end of it. I only heard her through the message that she left me. I was again back in my depressed mode. My slow month just getting dead slow. I didn't call her back until this morning. I'd rather spent my night doing groceries with my sis and forget all about work. I don't live to work anyway.

But this is the better part that I guess I have to keep reminding myself that God is good. Yes she cancelled her order and asked me to picked up the left over. But she ended up order a more expensive item to cover what she had returned. It ends up I gained more. Everything works for the best to those who believes in Him.

I hope you enjoy my TMI of the day. I have to go back to the real world and to my wonderful clients and bosses.

Just Elated...

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 07:05:00 +0000

Hola peeps...

I'm at my office right now, typing on my blog because I got nothing better to do. My predecessor made a huge pricing mess that now I couldn't handle. Got to wait for my superiors to come back from their meetings, so here I am relaxing. I'm still not a cold caller, so be glad that you out there don't receive a courtesy call from me on behalf of my company or my company, hehehe. If you're confuse, it's OK. I'm woozy right now, so perhaps I sounded a bit... off.

Anyway, I'm becoming a big fan of IKEA right now (don't I ever?, hehehe) bought most of my new house knick knack from that store.As Jon said, IKEA is like an addiction (to me). So I was telling my colleagues, for all their future present for my house warming, give me a gift card from IKEA and I'll be a happy camper. Must admit that I was IKEA deprived in my previous life, hehehehe (meaning when I stayed in US, folks). And now I got another itch for somewhat budget-related-cute-store, DAISO. Yup, I'm all about cute boxes/ packaging. But still prefer a gift card format, no matter what. Because as I started to live in my brand new spanking cutesy shoebox of a flat, I have to think twice before I want to buy anything. Not just for budgeting sake, but also for limitation on space luxury. So... don't want to be rude, but now I prefer to get gift certificate. Easier to keep and manageable to spend, hehehehe. And if I don't like the item will be my own mistake and not (the giver).

Another thing that I want to comment is that my invitation recipients may grew larger. It becomes somewhat an Indonesian wedding (meaning: you invite people that you don't know, just because they know your parents or relatives). Yup, one of my uncles told some of my dad's biz liaisons that cest moi is getting hitched. Hey, the more the merrier I suppose. Ooompaa!!! Note to self: get over your stage fright after 2 years of hiatus from the theatre...

OK got to check with my designer now before I go blabber happy...

Dear blog...

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Mon, 14 May 2007 15:00:00 +0000

I really do need to learn how to see that God's blessings are so much more than my troubles. But I guess, I tend to dwell on the bad things to see the good things. Haiz...

For example... And please don't laugh. I got my very first credit card. Ain't it dorky? For as long as I grew up in States, although the offer were tons and the deal was so much better than Singapore (for example a tudent card... don't really have to have any income to open the basic one, and this is a Citibank card) I never have the need or the thought to have one. My family kind of stressing on me to stay clear of debt through credit card and it's good in a way. But some of the ugly side effect, I couldn't make a big purchase, because I ain't got credit history. I rely on my debit card too much.

So in Singapore there's this ugly yellow and red (reminded me of McD's color)NETS card that somewhat almost cover the same basis as debit card, but not as flexible. So I was surprisingly elated when Jon signed up for the credit card and as his better half, I got the better half, hehehe... Just kidding. Seriously though, the card's function may only be as decoration to my wallet. So yup... My very first credit card.

Another thing... I fell in front of an escalator in Newton MRT. My sandal got caught in the groove of the uneven metal groove, so I tripped and fall. My left knee got skinned and hence I was wearing bandages for almost 2 weeks already. Good thing I don't need stitches. Patching the wound with gauze is already painful enough.

Now since I can't wear any heels to work due to my wobbly knee... to prevent any other dangerous silly catastrophe... I wore my sandals to work; the very sandals that brought the calamity. And since it's a flat pair, I couldn't wear my 'corporate' looking gear a.k.a shirt and pants. Cause the hem of the pants will cause another thing to worry about. So I've been wearing my skirt which showed my injured leg. Of course the sight caused my colleagues to ask the reason behind it, but on the plus side, my clients become more sympathetic. I thought I was milking the situation, until I noticed that basically most people that saw my bandaged knee became enraptured at the sight as though they never see a wounded knee before. Seriously. Some turned their heads just to focus on it and some even asked question about what happen. Hmm... It's just getting creepy. I mean if people that I know asked me what happen, I would answer. To strangers... Just simple word... I fell. Weird. And then more than half a dozen people teased me that I got tripped because I saw a cute guy. Yeah, I wish that's the case. At least, there's some reciprocity going on. But nope. Not even a soul was in front of me when I fell. The good thing about this... When I fell, I was at a safe distant from the moving escalator. Close enough, but not that close. Praise God indeed. But the whole experience was kinda 'different' in a way. I don't remember people staring at me in US, even when I was limping with crutches when I badly sprained my ankle... complete with a US Navy Haloween costume. Dude, even the bandages were bigger then, hahaha.

would you be looking at this?

OK that's it for now... Got to go zzzzz...

Late Submission

noreply@blogger.com (God's Grace) — Mon, 07 May 2007 02:59:00 +0000

Hehehe... I supposedly have tons to say, since I'm kind of free at the moment. Well, my job would be to look for more client over the phone, but as much as I want to say that I'm not that introvert, I'm not as extrovert either. I guess if the character chart can describe me I'm a mix of Sanguine and Melancholy and a bit of temperamental like the other one, choleric (I think my character is a jumble within the Four Humours). In short... I'm confused.

Yep, I'm back in the blog bandwagon, since I realized that I got a reader... At least one. So got to please my sole reader with my entry :P (Thanks for reading Yu :P)

Kind of getting tired and bored with the job that I have right now, but don't really have the luxury to move to another. My job has the leniency of free times, due to doing sales roaming around Singapore, but, in the deepest heart of mine, it's not my job either. And this job is not really a climbing the corporate ladder job. Not that I dream to be a president, but this job offers you stagnancy. And everyday the creative side in me is suffering. Now, I'm more and more realized that Marketing and Sales are very different. Tho in the same time almost similar. I'm into tracking trends and perhaps consultation, but I can't do hard sell. Dude, I can't even bargain for my own good. For example, during our furniture shopping, I let my husband-to-be, Jon, to squeeze the price until, I was the one cringing at his offer. But I thought that it's good that at least he's quite aggressive that way. So we can save money.

Yesterday as I was eating lunch with my colleague at the compound's cafeteria, I heard this suited guy talked to his colleagues like no body's business. He was talking about changing his job. Looking at his suit and tie and the company that he's with (a Caucasian lady and another suited gentleman), I thought he wouldn't have anything to complain about his job. He said that if he would like to change job, it's going to be hard to find another one, because none really available. Although the government said the job market is getting bigger, but the truth is once you leave a job, then that's it for you. Hmmm... So I was not the only one that think that way, hehehe... I think the government tries to keep the morale of the public high by saying so. Yes, perhaps the job market is getting bigger... But what kind of a job? I get to know this girl who worked for my previous company. She was misjudging the job that she used to have for the current one (my ex-company). Which was more hellish. The thing was, she was aiming for a more flexible hours and not only that she didn't get the flexible hours (due to false pretenses) but she also got a lower paycheck, lower station and a terrible position. Don't want to be the skeptical phlegmatic, but is there such a thing as an ideal job? Yup... in search of Utopia.

Back about my job. I can't complain much, because in this job, there's not much to do either, although I felt weird that with all the free time that I have I don't really have any free time to do what I usually do also. This job is almost the same like Customer Service, and sometimes the 'Happy' disposition in me got chipped away every time I hear the customers' complaint... may it be price negotiation or just plain complaining about the product or dealing with unreasonable people. Although everybody said that things are just business and not personal... well, can't perceive it that way. Since when things are never personal? You are dealing with people and not some pole. See... person-al... dealing with people... are business dealing with machine?

And the thing is I become more forgetful... Stress... Due to what, I don't know... See? I'm stress until I don't know what I'm stressing about. And it's not because of Jon, OK? If I may say, we hardly going out on date anymore (unless if you count our date with the furniture :P). So if you think that all we do is just hang out and have fun... I wish that's the case. Perhaps this whole wedding prep and housing also sapped up all my energy too. And sometimes I feel bad for Jon, because he's been doing a lot for this prep and still have energy. Bless his heart... My knight is fighting for my happiness :) As he said so himself in one of our CG meeting that he's a "diamond"... and continuously said that he's girls' best friend... which invited the scorn from our CG brothers... should be "the girl's" best friend, and truthfully I was not too happy hearing his comment... but I realize he's more like diamond in the rough. He has a good heart and like to serve. And I pray that we both can grow up together in Christ and be the best couple we would like to be.

OK I think got to end this chit chat for now. Got to go back to work... Hehehehe